Colonialism and Comcars

Image result for robert menzies car

Senator Mattias Cormann has admitted he was behind the decision to change the colour of our government Comcars – which ferry politicians around – from white to dark grey in order to remove any remnants of our colonial past, which in his words were “a better reflection of a modern, forward-looking Australia.” Forget the fact that most government cars were painted black, including Sir Robert Menzies’ Bentley (above). Might have been better to channel the founder of the Liberal Party as inspiration instead some woke nonsense. Or just let the drivers, who need to clean and maintain the vehicles, choose. 

Seriously though, what % of Australians have ever thought that our white Comcars harked to a colonial past? Best put it to a plebiscite and waste more time. 

Dark Grey? Isn’t that a gloomy hue? Should Aussies prepare for dark days ahead? Truth be told the colour is probably quite representative of where our economy is heading, even without coronavirus.

Interestingly, according to car insurer youi,

Our accident frequency research reveals that dark coloured cars are more likely to be in an accident than lighter coloured cars, likely because they are less visible to other drivers on the road. Grey coloured cars topped the list, followed by black and charcoal.

Who says that politicians don’t make sacrifices for us?

If we study where the proportion of cars coloured in colonial white is highest, perhaps parliament should be spending up big on a reeducation program in Tasmania for their unconscious colonialism. youi claimed,

Tasmania has the highest percentage of white cars at 33.80% versus the national average of 30.45% (silver 19.4%, blue 11.29%)

White cars seem to be connected to toxic masculinity too. Best run a campaign on unconscious sexism if youi is to be believed.

Compared to females, white is more popular for males relative to other colours (34.34% for males, 26.46% for females)

Take it a step further and question how much more Cormann could have done to reduce the racist footprints of colonialism.

Why are we buying cars from a maker that powered the Nazi Luftwaffe, SS and Wehrmacht, based in a nation that at the time was hell-bent on world domination and genocide? If we went for Lexus or Toyota we’d be buying cars built by a country that was also determined to colonize The Pacific. Jaguars or Range Rovers would be off the list, even though the Indians now own the brands. Rolls-Royce & Bentley are German-owned. Italians were colonialists. Maserati, Fiat, Lancia and Alfa Romeo banned. The French? Colonialists. Renault and Peugeot-Citroen are out. The Spanish? Colonialists. No SEATs, although that is owned by the Germans. America? Someone is bound to raise an issue with their CIA operative endorsed post-war military hegemony. So no Caddies, Fords or GM cars, especially after the axing of the Holden brand. China? Buying Haval or Great Wall cars would at the very least cut down on the overall cost of Comcars, especially with the generous 10-yr unlimited kilometre extended warranty.  That is how we cut the budget deficit. 

Maybe we should just buy Volvos. Maybe that way we could appeal to be supporting the home team of climate activist, Greta Thunberg to shore up the youth vote while acknowledging that the Viking hordes of 1000 years ago was far back enough in history to upset anyone today. If we’re lucky, the Swedish Riksbank may consider buying our sovereign debt again

Seriously, haven’t our pollies got anything better to do than conjure up such illogical nonsense like this? Given we’re at this level of discourse, perhaps walking, cycling or public transport would be a better bet for our lawmakers. At the very least it would put them in touch with how commoners live.

More auto marriages have ended in divorce

Auto mergers were once thought of as the best things since sliced bread. Massive operating capacity leverage, shared platforms to reduce cost and a reduction of R&D spend per vehicle. The word “synergy” gets bandied about more than Casanova whispers “I love you“on Valentines Day! Yet why is the auto industry littered with divorces from these romances?

Lets list them.

Daimler bought Chrysler in 1998. Divorced in 2007.

Daimler alliance with Mitsubishi Motors founded in 2000. Divorce in 2005.

Daimler alliance with Hyundai founded in 2000. Divorce in 2004.

Honda – Rover JV. Started 1980. Divorced 1994

BMW – Rover – Started 1994. Deceased 2000.

Nissan – Renault – Started 1999. Currently providing real headaches due to Carlos Ghosn saga. Nissan wants full independence

Ford forms Premier Automotive Group (PAG) comprising Land Rover, Aston Martin, Volvo, Lincoln and Jaguar. Set up in 1999.

Ford sells Aston Martin in 2007.

Ford sells Land Rover & Jaguar to Tata in 2008

Ford sells Volvo to Geely in 2010.

Fiat Chrysler (FCA) formed in 2014 – including Fiat, Abarth, Chrysler, Jeep, RAM, Dodge, Lancia, Maserati & Ferrari brands.

FCA spins Ferrari off in 2016.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but one can be guaranteed that more money has been lost in auto mergers in aggregate than made. Daimler paid $45bn for Chrysler. Almost all of the Mercedes profits plugged the losses of Chrysler. Mercedes quality suffered through cost cutting sending it down toward the bottom of surveys. Daimler’s shares lost over $80bn in market cap as this disaster unfolded.

FCA and Nissan/Renault have been amongst the more successful marriages but global markets have turned many a honeymoon period into separation with fights over custody.

Forming a merger at the top of a cycle seems fraught with risks. Global auto sales are slowing. Renault and Fiat bring a lot of overlap in product lines. Nissan is such an unclear part of the puzzle.

One can argue that synergies which will lower the costs of future production have merit. Investing in battery technology does make sense across multiple product lines.

The biggest problem for the auto industry is that should a slowdown hit mid-merger, which brand suffers the hits? Which marketing team gets culled? Which R&D projects get scuppered? Too many cooks spoil the broth is the end result. There is no way a merger can be locked down in a short timeframe unless one of the parties is facing bankruptcy and has no choice but to comply. That is why Nissan-Renault worked.

Renault-FCA would be better conceived after markets have imploded. Marriages built on tough times stand a far bigger chance of survival than those that are built when things are the rosiest. Shareholders will be the biggest losers if conceived now.

Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio roadtest


I had a great opportunity to test drive the new Alfa Giulia Quadrifoglio (Q) over the past few days.  It is hard not to possess some sort of expectation before boarding. They say you aren’t a true petrol-head until you’ve owned an Alfa. To be honest Alfa hasn’t produced a rear drive monster for a very long time so the hurdle was pretty high on the basis of failure to introduce a Marcus Aurelius style gladiator to an arena filled with Germanic warriors would see thumbs pointed down.

The conclusion

Having tested the latest BMW M3, the one thing the Q  has over it is character. Sure it’s easy to dismiss the Germans for lacking a sense of humour as much as silencing Italians by tying their hands behind their backs. The fact is that the engine inside the M3 is a masterpiece. The handling is sublime but the exhaust note is synthesized through the speakers  which sort of disappoints like a Greenpeace activist would if forced to sail in a harpoon boat to stop Japanese whalers. The Q has 80hp more from a similar sized engine. It makes a naughty rasp as the tacho sweeps through 5,000rpm and has a tactile nature about it. Where the Q really wins out is ride. I’m sorry but for the mid-life crisis set, harsh ride is something that becomes annoying when you just wish to cruise on a highway late at night to get to the destination. The Q on soft suspension setting is more than acceptable. The BMW is just too jiggly. It is fidgeting. That’s ok doing a track day but when tired and cranky it is something you want to live without

The engine


A 505bhp 2.9 litre V6 twin turbo which strangely shares the same bore and stroke of the V8 Ferrari California. The twin turbos mysteriously sit between the V like the Ferrari too.  The engine has power anywhere in the rev range. There are 4 modes. Race which switches everything off, D for dynamic which is hyper, N for natural which is hyper (but less abrupt) and A for advanced efficiency (shuts down cylinders) which is great for pootling around town. The suspension can be set to soft on any of the modes meaning you can hoon in comfort.


Naturally it is brisk. The 8 speed box is responsive and in manual mode doesn’t try to second guess you. Perhaps 8th gear at the national speed limit in Japan (100km/h) is too tall given the engine is revving at about 1,650rpm (like a diesel). The engine happily pulls but it has a slight drone. Perhaps the car pleading to get it to at least 2000rpm where the NVH reaches a comfortable level. Not a fault of the car. When you need to overtake the response is instantaneous.


While never giving it the full beans on public roads the handling in the twisty stuff is telepathic and communicative. There is loads of feedback. Bumpy corners don’t upset it and you get the sense that if there were no speed cameras you could do twice the speed into those bends. The car also seems to have a neutral oversteer bias.


The vented 4 pots have oodles of stopping power. Fade free. Perhaps the only slight issue is when trying to modulate the brakes at a set of stop lights to smooth the ride for passengers you end up stopping with a small jolt.



Italians do design better than most. The interior is beautifully presented. Functional and easily hooked up to the iPhone although sometimes the interface is not as intuitive and the voice recognition technology requires work (I found out this isn’t the car but my default Siri setting that is the problem). The lady in the machine is Australian and even conversing with her in a native tongue trying to select an address gave me the directions to a coffee house in America. When she pronounced Japanese words in Her Aussie drawl it was hard not to burst out in laughter as to where she wanted me to go – for instance “Iidabashi” (pronounced E da bash E) was Oida besh E and deguchi (exit, pronounced deg uchi) was “day Gucci”. I didn’t try her in Japanese but I’m sure the problem would be rectified. This is a minor complaint. The phone hooks up quickly and phone numbers are all available for voice activation. There is a scratchpad which allows you to shift through dials. Seats are comfy and fully electric with lumber and heating. Steering wheel is also movable.



I’ll be honest. It isn’t the prettiest Alfa ever made but it looks purposeful. It sits low on its haunches and the carbon trim along the sills is tasteful not gaudy like some Korean airport  taxi that has crashed into an Autobacs accessory store.

In summary

This car has faults which gives it humanistic traits. it wouldn’t be an Alfa without. When on full lock the car makes a rather disconcerting shudder. However the faults it has are irrelevant when you assess what it is about the purpose. In a day and age where we have systems that help us stay inside lanes, slow us down, brake for us and remove the risks of human error, the Q wants to give the reins back to the driver if they choose.

It is also the feedback. While a Tesla night out drag it the Q will make one smile every time they sit inside. When you rev the engine at standstill the car body will twist. It is nice to know that there are carmakers who are unashamedly looking to petrolheads and ignoring the boredom of cars that breathe health and safety at every turn. Sure the Q has all the gubbins but you can switch it all off. Therein lies the issue.

At the Tokyo Motor Show I spoke to the Honda motorcycle marketing team. He asked what they could do to make their product better. My answer – “make it worse”. Astonished, he asked why? I replied that “riding a Honda is like sitting on a swing machine. It is smooth and efficient but there is no character. When I had my KTM Superduke 1290 it always let me know it was alive . Why not introduce software that makes the engine run rougher and edgier so the rider can engage with the machine and for the boring ‘otaku’ (geek) they can have their sewing machine!”  “so you’d pay to make it worse?” YES!!

While it is likely the M3/M4 will outsell the Q in sales volumes the reality is that the true drivers in their hearts would choose the Alfa. While Alfa’s of old had build quality issues, this felt tight as a drum. If Ferrari built a proper 4 door this would be it. It is by no means a poor Maserati either. It is a car long missing from the line up and for a return performance they’ve done an outstanding job. At $20,000 less than a BMW M3 the value proposition is also astounding. It is truly tempting!

Perhaps the sweetest function of all is in the settings where the car will tell you how economically you are driving. Whereas an electric car might coax you to drive to maximize battery life the Q encourages you to blow it off the other scale – in that sense it is a devil for environmentalists (even though fuel economy is vey decent) and that above all makes me want it more!

Alfa Romeo Giulia launch in Tokyo


You have to hand it to the Italians for design and flair. Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) launched its new Alfa Romeo Giulia model in Tokyo tonight. It is a car I’ve long been fond of given my father owned a 1970s version. In Japan FCA sales have almost quadrupled in 10 years to over 20,000 cars. Chrysler/Jeep sales are up 10x over that period as well. American cars have always struggled in Japan for the obvious reasons of narrow streets being unsuitable for Yank tanks. Jeep has put one of its cars on a photocopier and shrunk it for Japan. Boom. Target client needs and away you go. FCA CEO Pontus Haggstrom has steered the company for the lst 9 years to turn it into the fastest growing foreign brand in Japan. Impressive.

The thing I loved most about the new Giulia Quadrifoglio is that it hasn’t been built in a gluten-free multi-ethnic factory which has one eye on Johnny Polarbear. It is pure noise, speed and emotion. As the head of design said, “we want a car that rules the heart not the head”. Too true. No wonder the tag line of Alfa is “la meccanica delle emozioni’.